Understanding Emotional, Mental, and Psychological Abuse
Many times, when we hear the word abuse, we think of physical or sexual violence or assaults. However, over the past few years, there has been a much greater discussion around emotional, mental, and psychological abuse. Not because it is a new concept, but perhaps because we are beginning to notice that the “invisible” abuse can be just as, if not more, damaging than the “visible.”
In this blog post, we’ll define what emotional, mental, and psychological abuse is, how it affects victims, and most importantly, how you can begin to heal if you’ve experienced it.
When we think of abuse, we often picture physical violence, but emotional, mental, or psychological abuse can be just as damaging—and sometimes even more insidious—because it leaves no visible marks. This type of abuse can be difficult to identify, especially since it often happens gradually, behind closed doors, and over long periods. The emotional scars from this kind of abuse can linger long after the relationship has ended, affecting self-esteem, mental health, and overall well-being.
What is Emotional, Mental, or Psychological Abuse?
Though the terms emotional, mental, and psychological abuse can be used interchangeably, they all describe similar patterns of behavior of one person exerting power and control over another. These behaviors may look like undermining a person’s self-worth, controlling their actions, and manipulating their perception of reality. This type of abuse can be especially hard to identify because it usually happens gradually and over time, behind closed doors, over a long period, and doesn't leave any visible, obvious wounds. However, less “visible” these wounds are, they are no less impactful. Emotional abuse can often be more difficult to escape because it leaves victims questioning themselves, their reality, and their worth. Not to mention, as with most abusive situations, the scars can linger long after the relationship has ended.
Emotional, mental, or psychological abuse aims to instill fear, guilt, or shame in the victim, causing them to feel inadequate, unworthy, or even trapped in the relationship, so that the perpetrator can feel more in control or powerful.
Some examples of emotional, mental, or psychological abuse include the following:
Using coercion and threats: making and/or carrying out threats to cause hurt to the other person.
Using Intimidation: making the other person feel afraid through looks, actions, or gestures.
Emotional manipulations: causing humiliation, causing feelings of guilt, mind games, making the other person feel crazy, or questioning reality
Verbal put-downs: name-calling, making the other person feel bad about themselves, questioning their worth, and other put-downs
Isolation: controlling what the other person does, who they see, or who they talk to
Blaming: shifting the responsibility from the abuser to the victim, or saying it didn't even happen
Financial control: blocking the other person from financial independence to cause dependence on the abuser
Misc: other things can include using male privilege, using children as a pawn, interfering with family members, and much more.
The above information can be referenced in the Power and Control Wheel provided by The National Domestic Violence Hotline at https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/
How Emotional, Mental, or Psychological Abuse Affects You
Emotional, mental, and psychological abuse can be incredibly damaging and have lasting effects. Abusers often seek control, but the impact on victims can show up in many ways, deeply affecting their self-esteem, mental health, and even physical well-being.
Emotional abuse can cause significant damage to self-esteem and confidence, leading to feelings of worthlessness, inadequacy, and dependency. As the abuse cycle continues, you may start to internalize the negative things said about you or your situation. This can cause you to have distorted beliefs about yourself and the world around you.
Being in a constant state of abuse, including emotional abuse, often leaves the victim feeling as though they are always walking on eggshells, never knowing what is the best or right thing to say. This unpredictability leads to a chronic feeling of being unsafe and increases stress and anxiety. You begin to feel hyper-vigilant, on edge, or fearful of what will happen. In some instances, the victim may know exactly how to keep the peace, and they will begin to do things that are the opposite of what they want to do, just to make things “easier” or feel safer. The abuse can lead to a feeling of being stuck, isolated, and unsupported, which can lead to great amounts of hopelessness and/or depression.
Through the manipulation tactics, mind games, and overall control the abuser uses, you may begin to doubt your thoughts and feelings. This doubt can also come from a place of feeling like you “should have known” at the beginning of the relationship, or that you “missed something.” The abuser may also use isolation techniques that leave you questioning whether you trust others around you, or maybe you are too afraid to share. Leading to an overall difficulty in trusting yourself and others.
More and more research provides evidence that chronic stress and nervous system dysfunction can lead to physical health complications. Some common symptoms include: headaches, chronic fatigue, digestive problems, sleep disturbance, pain, or a weakened immune system.
Healing from Emotional, Mental, or Psychological Abuse
It can be incredibly difficult to realize and admit that abuse is happening. Many individuals who suffer from emotional abuse easily dismiss the behavior as a misunderstanding, become dependent, or feel that they are to blame. Leaving or ending the relationship can be an incredibly difficult and complicated decision. Seeking support and having a plan is highly recommended.
If you think you may be or have been in an emotionally abusive relationship, please know that you are not alone! You deserve love, respect, and kindness. Healing is possible, and you can gain the confidence to reclaim your life. Start the conversation today by reaching out.
If you or someone you know is suffering from domestic violence, please reach out for support. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is a great way to start offering free 24/7 support in a variety of ways, including text, call, or online chat. This website is also a great resource for education and information.